i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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