just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
