It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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