Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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