I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
