I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
