there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Randomize
