There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
