We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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