She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
