Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize