You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
