When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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