Need sex. Gaining weight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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