It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
