ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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