Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
