somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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