the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
