i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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