420 ftw
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
