Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
