I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
