is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
