2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
