I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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