things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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