do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
