How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize