Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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