im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
