Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's always time for handjobs
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
