Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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