Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
