he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
