I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
