Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
