THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
