i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
