Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize