Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
