My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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