So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
