yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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