It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
