my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
