I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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