We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
