it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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