The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
