"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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