Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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