Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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