Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
