I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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