I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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