I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
