atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
