1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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