I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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