What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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