Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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