My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
