I seem to have left my pride at pride
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
