I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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