dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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