I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
