My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
