I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
